The last thing I remember last night was me listening to a song called ‘Tenderly’ and singing to it. I didn’t know exactly when I passed out. Then I woke up at 2 or 3 with my DVD and TV on, turned them off, pulled my blanket until it covered every part of my body but my forehead, and it only needed seconds before I was back in my Dreamland.
Dreamland is most probably one of my favorite places. The Queen rules that place. And I am the Queen. I don’t know whether or not it happens to most people but sometimes I DO have control of my dreams. For example, if today I’m so obsessed with one thing and I think about it a lot during the day, or I think about it while waiting for my arrival in the Dreamland, I’ll dream about that thing.
I do have nightmares, though. Who doesn’t?
But I rarely have them. Very rare. Only when I’m so depressed that I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, sweating, sometimes crying or shuddering .
So there’s this young man who occupied me ages ago. I don’t know why but these weeks I frequently have him inside my brain, again. I keep saying to myself I’d been there and I didn’t want to be there anymore cause I knew this wouldn’t go anywhere but there’s always this little part inside objecting what I think I want to do. That’s how I end up thinking about him a little more often these days.
I’m not physically or sexually attracted to him – though at both aspects he’s not bad at all. I’m not having a crush on him, let alone being in love. I just can’t keep my brain displaying thoughts about him once or twice every hour.
The last time I had a dream about him was over a year ago. There, he told me he had a huge thing for me and hated to see one of my friends showing the same thing.
Last night, as a result of considering whether or not I should allow myself thinking about him which had caused me to think about him even more, I dreamed of him again.
In the dream, I was out with my friends (and him) in an amusement park. We were sitting somewhere waiting for something when I yawned and squawked about being tired and sleepy. Then unexpectedly, he gently pulled my head and put it on his shoulder, wrapped his arms around me and said, “Take a break, dear.” And I, to my surprise, wasn’t taken aback – in real life, I’m sure I’ll be shocked to death if he does such things. Seeing me in in his arms, my friends (all male) teased us. Apparently enjoying where I was, I did nothing. He just smiled and pulled me closer.
At 5 something I woke up, recollected the dream and decided that it wasn’t a nightmare and I liked it. I went to the bathroom, peed, took a wudhu, did the prayer and went back to bed hoping to have another dream like the one I’d had previously. And I did.
It was in a house (didn’t know whose house on earth was that), my friends (the same ones from the previous dream) and I and he were spending a day off there. We were talking and kidding around, then I went up to the kitchen to grab some snacks and water from the fridge. When I pulled my head out of the fridge I saw him standing there, right beside the fridge, looking at me with a look that melted me down instantly – though I didn’t show it (amazing how I can always be myself even in a dream).
He smiled and said hi. I said hi and started going back to my friends. Then he grabbed my waist, pinned me on the wall and did something he would never did to me – and I to him – in real life (the scene is very private and embarrassing that I can’t make myself type it).
Then I woke up again at 7, realizing I’m late for work.
Damn.
10:13 AM 3/21/2009
ashiiqa
